schMORGANsborg

You may or may not know that my mom got really sick about a month ago. I’ll spare you the details…mostly because my mom gets on to me when I tell everyone her business:)…but suffice it to say things got pretty scary for a while there. The following is a small selection from a very long list of things I learned through the whole experience.

1. Unlike most people stress doesn’t make me stop eating and sleeping. It actually has the opposite effect on me.  
2. Any delusions I had of independence are…well…delusions. I’ll go ahead and admit that a lot of my thoughts for those two weeks were about how I couldn’t get by without my mom…about how I needed her…for stupid things…like telling me how to get a stain out of a shirt.  
3. The comforts of this life have a far stronger hold on me than I ever realized.  
4. I don’t want to love my Mom-or anything else-more than I love the will of God. That’s a hard one to swallow.
5. Life is truly a vapor.
6. We cling to the strangest things in the face of tragedy.
7. God doesn’t stop being good just because "bad" things happen.
8. Then again, theology has a tendency to fly out the window in the face of death.
9. I’m really glad my bff decided to be a nurse, but even more glad that she can still sit and cry with me when the occasion calls for it.
10. ER, Grey’s Anatomy, General Hospital, etc….they’re all full of crap. Two weeks in the hospital and I saw zero hot doctors. Notta one.

PS my mom is doing much better now:) If you talk to her don’t tell her I told you that was sick:)

Last week me and my mom went to the Fox to see The Jersey Boys.  I got her tickets to the show for Christmas…I’m all about deferred gratification.  The show was SO good and we had such a good time!  It’s still showing…you should take someone for an early Christmas present:)

Behold yet another fine display of my ability to capture memories.  I astound myself…really. 

We celebrated Tanner’s birthday this past Sunday.  All was well until she nearly choked to death on the cake I made for her.  If it didn’t scar her for life it scarred me.  But she recovered quickly and we all had fun watching her play:)

Tinkerbell cake.

Opening presents.

Diggin’ in.

I think this was about 5 seconds before she choked.  Awesome.

Whew…she’s ok:)

I took zero pictures on Easter…major blog foul.  I also got reprimanded for being too aggressive during the Easter egg hunt.  I’m sorry, but I don’t care how young you are I’m not just going to let you win…especially when there’s 40 bucks worth of money eggs out there.
On the up side someone told me I looked sophisticated at church…I think it’s cause I had a blazer on.  I just aged myself 20 years by saying blazer.

Today is my brother’s birthday.  Since I speak in movie scenes I thought I would relay the scene that best captures how I think of my brother.   
It’s in the first Godfather movie.  Vito Corleone has just come home from the hospital.  The whole family gathered at the house to welcome the Don home and everyone is sitting around the table eating.  Sonny, Tom and Carlo start talking about the business.  Then Connie, Sonny’s sister and Carlo’s wife, pipes in.

CONNIE
Well Papa never talked business at the table, and in front of the kids.

CARLO
Hey shut up, Connie, when Sonny’s talking…

SONNY
Hey, don’t you ever tell her to shut up — you got that? 

MAMA (to Sonny)
Santino … don’t interfere.

CARLO
Hey look, Sonny, Tom — I’d like to talk to you maybe after dinner. I could be doing a lot more for the family

SONNY
We don’t discuss business at the table.

I love that scene:)  Sonny reminds me of my brother…minus the crazy, killer, mob boss deal.  Mostly this scene reminds me of him because he’s loyal.  If I had to think of one word to describe my brother that would be it.  No matter what I do I know he’s got my back.  It’s nice to go through life knowing that no matter who comes against you there’s at least one person that’s gonna be on your side.

Happy birthday Brother!  Love you!!

Please excuse the cheesy collage.  This is from my senior scrapbook in high school, but it has some cute pictures:) 

last night. 

And I aint gonna lie…I gotta little skeered.  So I threw a bunch of stuff in the bathroom and sat on the phone with my dad till it passed. 
Apparently this is what I think it takes to survive a tornado.

This weekend was filled with birthday festivities for my niece Karson.  She had two parties and I made cakes for both of them, but I forgot to take a pic of the first cake…whoops.

Party numero uno was for her friends and it was at a gymnastics place.  A few of the girls rode with me over to the gym.  The following is the conversation that transpired in my back seat….names have been changed to protect the innocent.

10 year old #1: "I’ve never had a relationship longer than a few months."  
10 year old #2: "My longest was for 2 years…in the 4th grade."
10 year old #1: "Yeah Jane thinks she’s so in love with him, but wait until she gets to the 6th grade." 

In case you didn’t know…6th grade is the true test of love.

My sister in law and I decided to act like we were 16 again and went jumping into foam pits and onto trampolines with the kids.  Little known fact…jumping on a trampoline is actually a really good workout.  Either that or I’m really outta shape.

Sunday was birthday party dos for the family.  It was great fun…once my sister in law got back from the hospital.  Don’t worry it wasn’t a trampoline induced injury.

I’ll leave you with this cute as pie video of Karson teaching Tanner to dance.  They get their rhythm from me.     

Untitled from Morgan Collins on Vimeo.

We call her Grandmerle…cause her name is Merle.  Don’t ask me who came up with that combo.  We had our Christmas party with my dad’s side of the family this past Sunday.  So we drove down to Fayetteville and picked up Grandmerle and headed over to my Aunt and Uncle’s house.  It was great fun as always.

I’m pretty sure that Grandmerle has had the same decorations in her house for about 40 years…and I love ‘em.  She lives in a different place now than she did when I was growing up, but to me these certain decorations are her home…no matter what house she has them in.  For instance…

I don’t remember these candles ever not being around.  I don’t know if you can tell from the picture, but they’re like green gel with specs of gold in them.  I used to think they were the coolest things in the world when I was little.  I had never seen see through wax before…it didn’t take much:)  Then there’s these…

Aren’t they precious:)  They’ve just always been there…and I’ve always loved them.

It’s funny the things that stand out to you over the years.   

And Tanner was not about to smile…I think mostly because we wanted her to…she’s as hard-headed as the rest of us.  Karson was a trooper, as always, and smiled for about 3 hours straight in hopes of a good pic:)

At the rents house before we left.

Tanner was a fan of the beard.

Look who else came along…Old Faithful!  I wasn’t kidding when I said I wore this shirt alot:)

presh!

Did yall miss me?  I know yall didn’t know what to do with yourselves without my blog to guide you:)

I felt like doo all last week and it took every bit of energy I had just to sit up straight at my desk…so blogging feel by the wayside.  But I’m back in action! 

Let’s see….let’s see…what’s been going on…well there was Thanksgiving.  That was tons o’ family fun.  I think the highlight on the day was my mom announcing to everyone that I needed to hurry up and get some in-laws…thank you for that one, Mom. 

Then the rents help me put up my Christmas tree.  Mike was as handy as ever and got everything lookin’ real nice.

Last week I had a Christmas dinner with some great friends and all of our mom’s.  That’s always a good time. 

Then last night we had our Christmas party for our college small group.  I love those kids!

So yeah….the holiday season is in full swing!  And I’m back to my usual cheery self so the blog should be up and running again. 

Oh and I’m working on Lou…I know, I know…it’s taking forever.  I’m sorry.  

This will never get old.
Lil’ bit country…

Lil bit rock n….disco.

Today marks the launch of a campaign that I’m really excited to be apart of!  And since last time I asked yall for shoes you responded far beyond what I could’ve ever imagined, I thought yall might be interested in this.  

The goal: 50,000 pairs of shoes in 50 days.  Five dollars buys TWO pairs of shoes!  And it takes less than five minutes to purchase them. 

Your role: Go to the website http://www.50000shoes.com/ and donate as many shoes as you like.  Then spread the word!  Blog about it, use facebook, use twitter…any social media that you might be apart of. 

Nashville-based Soles4Souls will be facilitating the donations…something they have been doing for the past four years.  Since its inception, Soles4Souls has distributed more than 3.5 million pairs of shoes (or one pair every 23 seconds) to people in 61 countries including Honduras, Romania, Thailand and the Sudan.  

The 50,000 pairs in 50 days challenge is an effort to use the blogging world to accomplish something greater than just…blogging.  I don’t presume to think that all of us have five dollars to spare…especially with the way the economy is right now.  But in light of our recent conversation it seems like we’re all looking for a more meaningful way to spend our money this Christmas.  This is a way to do that. 

I just bought my shoes!  Go buy yours…and be sure to leave me a comment letting us know you got them!  I’ll allow you to toot your own horn just this once:)   

My brother (who I call brother…creative I know) is seven years older than I am.  Which meant that pretty much anytime I wanted to play with him (which was always) he was trying to get rid of me.  I mean you can’t blame him.  What cool 10 year old wants his 3 year old little sister following him around.  And I did, indeed, follow him around.  I thought (and still do) he was the coolest person in the world.  He taught me how to tight roll my jeans.  I will forever be indebted to him for that.

When he wasn’t passing on his jean wearing wisdom to me he was usually picking on me.  It’s what brothers do.  His favorite mode of torture was to steel my baby doll from me and do mean things to it…like throw it into the ceiling fan.  I will never forget the look on her face as she went flying out of the fan and across the room.  Ok, the look on her face never actually changed, but I could tell she was scared! 

However, in the midst of all that, I learned one very important lesson.  Brother was allowed to pick on me….NO ONE else was.  If anyone else ever gave me any crap he was the first one to defend me.  And being a rather large guy, that was pretty handy to have around. 

Case in point.  One day while I was getting off the school bus some kid elbowed me in the mouth.  Before you get upset I must say that years later after a little reflection I realized that it was probably an accident.  But the kid was a punk anyway so I don’t feel bad for what happened to him.  First thing I did was run to the house so I could tell my brother what that punk kid down the street did to his precious little sister.  I never said I wasn’t a tattletale.  After I related the trauma that had just befallen me my brother looked at me and said "Wait here". 

So I waited as I watched him walk off toward the elbower’s house.  I wasn’t real sure what he would do and for a minute I was scared that I had just been the cause of that kid’s death.  A little while later I saw two figures walking toward me.  As they came closer I realized that it was my brother and the accused elbower.  When they finally got to where I was standing my brother told him to get down on his knees and kiss the ground where I was standing.  Then he made him say he was sorry.  I just stood there in shock.

At that exact moment I realized that my brother would have my back no matter what…no questions asked.  That and the fact that he was very creative in his revenge tactics.  I guess we all have our talents.     

Everybody cut footloose!  That’s right…I was the girl from Footloose.  Now brace yourselves cause my costume was amazing.  Can’t you see the resemblance? 

No one knew who I was.  As a matter of fact most people thought that I wasn’t dressed up.  Which I must say I take issue with…I don’t normally wear a jean jacket and cowboy boots, but whatever.

As you can see my brother and his wife were vampires.  He told me not to put him on the internet…cause in real life he’s not a vampire…he’s in the Mafia.  

Brett and Tonya came too…they were John McCain and Sarah Palin.   

The guy dressed up like a Hooters girl won the best costume contest.  I didn’t take any pictures of him.  You’re welcome. 

UPDATE and TMI ALERT:  Turns out there was hurling after all.  I guess my corndog was cankered.  I’m afraid this is going to change my affections for the fair. 

I made my way to the fair last night and I’m sorry to report that I had to buy my own corndog.  No cute boys or crushes to help me out with that:) but we had fun anyway!

(because I love my brother I’m going to bite my tongue and not make any comments about his fanny pack…and because he ended up carrying all my crap before the night was over.  but in typical brother fashion he made us all kiss the fanny pack before we were allowed to get anything out of it…ok, now I’m biting my tongue.)

We pretty much hit up the corndogs as soon as we walked in the door only to find out that if we had just walked a little further in we could have gotten the JUMBO corndog!  No worries, I more than made up for it with everything else that I ate.  I’ll spare myself the embarrassment of going down the entire list of food that I consumed, but let’s just say it was a lot…and it was good.  If you look closely at the pictures you can see me getting progressively fatter as the night goes on.

After our miniature corndogs we went and looked at the pigs.  A guy that my sister-in-law works with shows pigs…don’t ask me what that even means…and no she doesn’t work on a farm.  To my surprise I’m equally as afraid of pigs as I am of mice.  We just happened to be standing back there when another showing (or whatever you call the actual event) was about to start.  So there were pigs comin’ and goin’ all over the place.  I pinned myself against a fence with a death grip on my brother’s arm.  I mean seriously…have you ever heard those things squeal or oink or whatever you wanna call it.  It is the most awful noise I’ve ever heard.  Let’s just say it did not bring back scenes from Charlotte’s Web…more like Silence of the Lambs.  

Karson got herself a homemade airbrush hat as you can see in the below pic.  I was gonna get one that said Red on it, but then I decided I didn’t want to spend 5 bucks just to be a smart-a. 

The night also served as yet another reminder that I’m getting old.  As soon as the first ride started I thought I was gonna hurl.  You’ll be happy to know that I did not.  I forced myself to go on all the other rides, but I drew the line at the Gravitron.  I could feel my fried pie coming back up just thinking about that thing.  We topped off the night with the Mouse Trap…a harmless looking roller coaster.  Don’t let it fool you, though….that was the most painful ride I have ever been on in my life.  I thought I broke my elbow half way through the thing, but I quickly forgot the pain in my elbow when the bar jabbed so far into my leg that I was sure it drew blood.  Oh the fair.  Good times…good times.   

wait….no…I was never in girl scouts.  Oh that’s right!  It’s the first day of school and my mom dressed me to match the couch.  ‘Preciate that mom:)  I’m just wondering at what point you decided to tie a ribbon around my neck.  As if the socks weren’t enough you were like "hey, I know what would make this outfit even more awesome…a bow…tied around her neck!"

Katie gave me my belated bday gift this past weekend and guess what it was!  Homemade greeting cards with mikeisms on them!  I cracked up!  They are great…and just to be fair she said it was her mom’s idea:)  So thanks Katie and Mrs. McIver!

Mike loved them too!  Here we are relishing all his wise words like…"wish in one hand and crap in another and see which one fills up first" or "you know her…she used to come over to our house on Sunday and eat chicken" or the ever popular "if you start having diarrhea then you’ve taken too much".  That last one was originally made in reference to vitamin C, but we decided last night that it pretty much applies to all things.   

And just in case some of yall are unaware of what a mikeism is Mike came up with a mikeism to define a mikeism…you follow all that?

Mikeism: A thought stolen from a wise man and repeated often enough to claim as your own. 

So next time you’re looking for that perfect card to say Congratulations or Happy Birthday just let me know and I can get you a Mike’s Hard Card (I’m still working on the name).  After all, nothing says I love you like "you’re useless as tits on a boar hog."  

Tanner Lane…isn’t she precious:)

But don’t worry she’s inherited my spiritual gift of eat crap looks…nice one Tanner!

Friday Night:  Stayed home and blew massive amounts of snot out of my nose approximately every 10 seconds.  My nose hurts.

Saturday Night:  11:00 pm feel something on my hand and glance over only to see a MOUSE…on my HAND…in my BED!  My throat hurts from screaming like a sissy.  (Don’t worry Mike came to the rescue and Mickey is a goner)

Sunday Night:  Just finished walking around my room screaming like a banshee, clapping my hands together and beating my furniture.  You know…to scare out any other little friends that may have stopped by for a visit.  My hands hurt now.

Oh how I love living on a pasture.  Man, what a weekend.  But all is well now…there’s some preseason football on and that makes my heart happy.     

I (and by I, I mostly mean my dad) put up a new light fixture in my kitchen this weekend.

This is the old fixture….gold….me no likey. 

So I ordered a new one and put it together…all by myself.  Aren’t you proud?

my dad came over and hung it for me…remember he’s handy like that.

And here’s the finished product!

whatcha think?