schMORGANsborg

You may or may not know that my mom got really sick about a month ago. I’ll spare you the details…mostly because my mom gets on to me when I tell everyone her business:)…but suffice it to say things got pretty scary for a while there. The following is a small selection from a very long list of things I learned through the whole experience.

1. Unlike most people stress doesn’t make me stop eating and sleeping. It actually has the opposite effect on me.  
2. Any delusions I had of independence are…well…delusions. I’ll go ahead and admit that a lot of my thoughts for those two weeks were about how I couldn’t get by without my mom…about how I needed her…for stupid things…like telling me how to get a stain out of a shirt.  
3. The comforts of this life have a far stronger hold on me than I ever realized.  
4. I don’t want to love my Mom-or anything else-more than I love the will of God. That’s a hard one to swallow.
5. Life is truly a vapor.
6. We cling to the strangest things in the face of tragedy.
7. God doesn’t stop being good just because "bad" things happen.
8. Then again, theology has a tendency to fly out the window in the face of death.
9. I’m really glad my bff decided to be a nurse, but even more glad that she can still sit and cry with me when the occasion calls for it.
10. ER, Grey’s Anatomy, General Hospital, etc….they’re all full of crap. Two weeks in the hospital and I saw zero hot doctors. Notta one.

PS my mom is doing much better now:) If you talk to her don’t tell her I told you that was sick:)

you ate a lil red barn biscuit like I did this morning:)

I have a confession to make. I used to resent people who went to Africa. It seemed so cliché.  Like there was some unwritten rule that in order to be a good Christian you had to go to Africa…or at least want to go to Africa. Of course this was also when I had no inclination whatsoever towards any kind of mission work anywhere. It’s strange to read that sentence back to myself. I can hardly remember feeling that way now. I can barely recall not having this burning deep inside of me to see the glory of God cover the earth as water covers the seas. 

Mercifully, things have changed. And, so, one month from today I will leave for Africa. I wish I was leaving today. I wish I had a one way ticket and not just a 10 day trip planned (don’t tell my mom that…she might cry).

Next month four others and myself will be heading to Mozambique to work with Sarah in her ministry to street children there. I have a number of emotions and thoughts running through my mind right now, but the one that overshadows all the others is fear. I’m not afraid of being in danger there. Of getting sick or being robbed or attacked or anything along those lines. The thing I fear…is being unchanged. I’m afraid of looking those children in the face and being unaffected by it. Of coming back home and returning to my everyday life as if nothing had happened. I’m afraid of forgetting what I haven’t even learned yet.

So today I’m praying. Praying to be changed…affected…moved. Praying to remember.       

making a cake…actually making anything for one of the most important days in someone’s life might be a little more stress than I’m prepared to handle. 

I know I’ve mentioned this a time or two, but my bff and I have known each other our entire lives. This has been a huge blessing through the years; however, it’s also lead to certain events that would be better left forgotten.  But instead of pushing those to the back of my psyche and having them resurface in strange, incoherent dreams; I thought I’d blog about ‘em. 

For those of you that don’t know; my bff is a singer. Not professionally, though she could’ve been if she had wanted to.  She has a beautiful voice and it still pleasantly surprises me every time I hear her sing.  She discovered this talent pretty early on. And like any good parent would do her mother signed her up for voice lessons to hone the new found gift. 

I must preface this by saying that she and I had spent our entire lives up to this point doing the same things. Our parents even dressed us alike for pete’s sake.  And we were all about it. If she got a zip up bikini then I needed one too. If I quit ballet cause I hated everything but the recitals then she was outta there too (by the way, she’s still blames me for ruining her dance career). If she had a bedazzled, LA gear, stone-washed jean jacket then by golly I got one too. That being said, there really is no justifiable excuse for what I am about to reveal…..I, too, signed up for voice lessons. I mean obviously if the bff was a singer than I was too. Right?! And Darlene, being the dotting mother that she is, marched my non-singing little butt up there and took care of business. And so began my journey to unearth the talent that I knew was hiding somewhere deep inside of me.

As it turned out that hidden talent was buried a little too deep and we never did find it.  We did, however, record quite a few lovely tracks. One of those beauties was my rendition of The Wind Beneath My Wings by one Bette Midler. I happen to be just self-deprecating enough to want to share it with you, but I think I lost the tape when I moved.

The whole experience wasn’t a total loss, though. I learned that maybe I didn’t have to do everything the bff did…which came in handy when she started doing big girl pageants that included a swimsuit portion. I also learned that my Mom loves me very much…so much, in fact, that to this day she truly believes that I’m a good singer and has, on occasion, told me to try out for American Idol. Thanks for believing in me Mom! Even if it could’ve turned me into a highlight on the American Idol reject show.