schMORGANsborg

I like ‘em.  They used to kinda creep me out…I know that’s so sweet.  If the story below isn’t evidence enough of how cool old people are then you need to go to publix.  I don’t know if they’re all this way, but the one by my work has a lot of old people working there.  I go there a good bit on my lunch break and I just love seeing the old people…they are so nice….way more than the not old people that work there.  For example…girl who made my sandwich…not so nice.  Grandpa who bagged my groceries…so nice.  He bagged them just the way I would’ve wanted him too…very considerately…which is rare.  Seriously who puts bread in with the canned food?  not old people!  He even put everything that I had bought for my lunch in a separate bag.  ok, so it doesn’t take much to impress me.  I need some more old people in my life.  

there have been requests for last year’s day after thanksgiving story and since I aim to please, here we go.  And I’m really long-winded so get comfy.  

Once upon a time a cool, young girl had just moved into a new house:)  I had jack to go in this house….including the most important part of making a house a home…a TV for the living room!  And since I had spent all my money on the actual house I needed a deal if I was ever going to entertain people anywhere but my bed….wait a minute that came out wrong….I don’t entertain people in my bed…but the TV is in my bedroom…moving on.

So naturally I thought the day after thanksgiving sales would be the perfect way to get a big TV for a small price.  I made my plans to be at the wal-mart in monroe right at 5 when it opened.  I even did recon the day before…checked prices….planned my exit strategy if things got hairy. 

Finally 4:50 came and I jumped out of bed, threw on my clothes and was out the door.  When I got there things didn’t look too bad.  I mean the parking lot was full, but there wasn’t anyone running from the store screaming with blood pouring from their head…not real sure why I expected to see that.

Once I got in the store I snagged a buggy and tried to make my way to the back of the store where the electronics are.  People were not exactly being polite on my way back there.  So I started driving that buggy like I drive my car.  Weaving in and out, riding people’s butts…I even gave a couple people the finger…jk…I give a really bad bird….a common side effect of christiendom….strangely it hasn’t affected my ability to ride butts.

ANYWAY, when I finally got back there I saw it.  The TV I had been eyeing for the past week.  The one I had run recon on the day before.  I rolled up to it and what to my wondering eyes should appear?  The same flippin’ price that had been there all week!  ARE YOU KIDDING?!  I did all this just to pay the same thing that I could have paid yesterday when the whole city of monroe wasn’t crammed in this store?!  awesome.  Well I might as well get it since I’m already here.

It was then that I realized this sucker was a little larger than I first thought.  Being the outgoing person that I am I kinda stood there for a minute hoping someone would see the pitiful look on my face and offer to help me.  No such luck.  And since I’m too much of a weenie to go fight for a salesperson and make them come help me I decided to muscle it myself.  Since I’m awesome I got it in the buggy:)  Well I got it on top of the buggy.  It was too big to fit all the way down in there.  So I had to push that joker back up to the front of the store without being able to see what was in front of me.  Fun.

Check out went smoothly.  I was out the door…no blood running from my head either.  When I got to my car I popped the trunk and immediately realized that this beast was not fitting in there.  I tried anyway…just to be sure.  Aint happenin’.  Ok, that’s cool, I’ll just put it in the back seat.  This was going to have to be a quick transition from buggy to car cause I could only hold this thing up for about 10 seconds at a time. So I used my cat like reflexes to make the move….CRAP!  it’s not going to fit in the door either!  Lest you think I have some massively awesome TV let me clarify.  It’s not that big…at all!  It would have fit in the car fine…It just wouldn’t fit through the door to get into the car. 

So here I am struggling over and over…praying that this thing would just fit through the door when and old man walks up to me.  He asked me if he could help.  See, he was waiting in the car while his wife shopped inside…why didn’t I think of that?!  I was touched by his kindness, but hesitant to let him help cause this sucker was not going in that car.  He tried anyway.  And when I say he was old I mean he was old.  I was literally holding my breath the whole time.  I just knew that his hip was going to break or he was going to have a heart attack right in the middle of the parking lot.  Finally I was just like "thanks for your help, but I don’t think it’s going to fit."  I bid him farewell and he went back to his car…still alive…all his hips in tact…thank you Jesus!

Now what am I going to do?  I did what I always do when the crap hits the fan.  I called my daddy.  So I dialed up the number knowing that my mom would answer the phone terrified that something bad had happened.  She did and I told her everything was fine, but I needed them to come get me….at wal-mart…in monroe.  They told me they’d be right there….score…I love my parents.  So I sat…door opened….TV between my feet…waiting to be rescued.  They got there before too long with the trusty SUV and saved the day.  We went to breakfast and ended up making a day of it decorating and all that jazz. 

So…all’s well that ends well.  The moral of the story is my parents are the coolest and I will never go shopping the day after thanksgiving again….at least until I get married and I can make him sit out in the car and wait on me in case of danger:)             

ok, so here’s the rundown…we went to my parent’s house for thanksgiving.  Darlene cooked everything cause she’s the bomb and I made desserts cause I’m a mini-bomb.  Pecan pie, chocolate peanut-butter cake and some kinda layer pumpkin pie…I didn’t love the punkin pie, but Darlene said it was wonderful…of course.  I told her I could have made her a turd pie and she would have loved it:)  not cause she eats turds, but because she thinks everything I do is great.  she’s going to be mad I said turd on the internet:) 

The day after Thanksgiving I did NOT go shopping….had a very bad experience with that last year that involved an old man throwing his hip out trying to help me and my parents having to come rescue me from the wal-mart parking lot at 5 in the morning. 

So instead me and the rents went and got our Christmas trees!  I love Christmas!  My daddy violated my tree so it won’t get too dry:) and he got it to quit leaning toward skilfriggy’s house…that’s a mikeism for "it’s crooked".  They helped me decorate all afternoon and then we gathered round the fire, drank cider and sang Christmas carols….sike!  we didn’t do that last part, but that would’ve been precious. 

Other then that coolness I pretty much just chilled all weekend.  Hope yall had a fun one too!   

holy and pure!  this is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time…maybe it’s just because it’s my family….I don’t know. 

Collins Family Christmas

I copied this from Katie…go check their dance out:)

This past Saturday I had a few people over to watch the game.  Good times.  Lots of babies who apparently like to cry at the same time…but that’s ok cause they’re super cute.  Here are some pics!

the happy couples:)

This makes me feel bad for my future kids…and the fact that I about chunked Bella across the room just as a reflex when she laid a juicy fart on me….I thought for sure she had blow-out right in my lap! 

all the girls…minus Heather…they had to leave early to take Harris home for his nap.

It was a lot of fun to hang out with everyone.  Still very, VERY weird to see my friends with babies…weren’t we just cheering at the high school football game on friday?

I need a new name for this thing…I don’t like the one I have now…but I can’t think of anything!  ahhh!  Katie help me!  you’re creative!

I bent over to put my tennis shoes on this morning…you know…the ones with the cool purple laces…and I noticed that there are the beginning stages of a hole on the left knee of my jeans.  SAD!  these are my fav jeans!  They’ve been with me for a long time so I guess it’s only normal that they would start to show signs of the years of abuse from my ever-changing butt and thighs.  Now I have to try to find a new fav pair before these have a blow-out and I feel a very unwelcome breeze where there should be no breeze.  My last fav pair fell victim to the aforementioned butt a while ago and I am too embarrassed to try to squeeze into them now.  After about three wears they are fine…but those three days of stretching are more tightness than I can handle in a pair of pants.  ANYWAY, the thought of having to find a new fav pair of jeans is such a bummer.  I have other pairs I could wear…but none compare to my fav.  And shopping for jeans is probably one of the things that I hate most in the world.  You’d think that finding a pair of jeans would be easy enough…just get the right size.  But jeans are like boys…they look like they will fit perfect.  They’re the right size…they’re the style that you like….they’re from the store that you usually go to.  But once you actually try them on/go out with them:)  they just don’t fit at all.  And you can only do this so many times before you get frustrated and scream "I’m never going to find a man…I mean pair of jeans!!!!"   Man that’s deep!

ok, that’s the last time I’m talking about being single!  but seriously I need some new jeans…any suggestions?    

I bought some more of my Christmas dishes and this made me a very, very happy girl.  Now I can set my table with full out Chritmas spirit so that when people come over to eat…oh yeah, I don’t ever have people over to eat.  Why do I get such pleasure from lame things like that?

ok, I wasn’t going to write about this because if anyone who was a part of the situation ever read this it would only compound the embarrassment…but then I thought what the hey…this blog is already embarrassing enough so I might as well share:)

A certain grown-up friend of mine…wait I’m a grown-up…she’s a mom…of a teenager…but she’s my friend…ANYWAY, her family has made it their goal in life to marry me off.  Seriously, I should be paying these people.  She pimps me out like I’m going outta style…which I kinda am…but thats beside the point.  So every time I spend time with her she has some new boy that she thinks would be perfect for me.  I don’t mind.  I love her and I appreciate the help…obviously I aint gettin’ this done on my own:) 

She has been mentioning one particular boy for years…literally!  Last night when I went over to her house she brought up this same boy again.  I pointed out the fact that it had been two years since she first started trying to set me up with this guy.  She didn’t believe me at first, but once I convinced her I was telling the truth she insisted on calling him…right then…with me sitting right next to her!  If you know me in the slightest bit you know that I am pretty easily embarrassed.  I’m not super out-going around people that I don’t know and I have no game…you might want to keep that in mind for the rest of this story.

While she was on the phone with him she chit chatted and asked him where he was and ended up setting up a date for us to all go out…which ps I’ll believe when I see.  Next thing I know she hangs up the phone and says "let’s go see him!" say what?!  Ummm, no thank you.  I prefer not to look like a psycho stalker the first time I meet someone.  My protesting didn’t have much of an effect on her…before I know what hit me I’m walking into the high school where he is watching a basketball game…awesome…this won’t be weird at all.

We’re just about to walk into the gym when we both about get taken out by someone walking really fast out of the doors.  Guess who that someone is?!  That’s right…the very man we came to stalk!  She hugs him and says "this is the girl I’m setting you up with".  Seriously could this BE anymore awkward?!

He was on his way so we all talked for a couple minutes on the way out to his car.  I have no clue what was said cause I’m pretty sure I just went into the smile and nod survival mode and therefore I don’t remember the words that came out of my mouth…hopefully nothing too stupid.  All I know is that my face was bright red the whole time.  Have I mentioned that I love being single lately:)    

I had some good time in the Word last night.  This is what I started out reading…" In hope against hope he (Abraham) believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which has been spoken, ‘So shall your descendants be.’  Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body and, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah’s womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able to perform."  Romans 4:18-21

Then I remembered something else that I had read about ol Abe and Sarah…."By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised."  Hebrews 11:11

My very spiritual reaction after reading all this was "what the crap?!"  I know…my spiritual maturity is astounding.  But you see…that’s not how I remember the story going down…"Then God said to Abraham ‘As for Sarai your wife you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name.  I will bless her, and indeed I will give you a son by her.  Then I will bless her and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people will come from her.’  Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said in his heart, ‘Will a child be born to a man one hundred years old?  And will Sarah, who is ninety nine years old, bear a child?’" Genesis 17:15-17  "He said, ‘I will surely return to you this time next year; and behold, Sarah your wife will have a son.’  And Sarah was listening at the tent door, which was behind him.  Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?’" Genesis 18:9-10, 12

Call me crazy but these don’t sound like heroes of the faith…they sound like a bunch of laughing hyenas!  But I still found such comfort and peace in it.  How could Paul look at what Abraham did and still say that he didn’t waver in unbelief but grew strong in his faith?  Is there a way to question and screw-up royally trying to do things on your own and even laugh at God and still not waver in unbelief?  Paul says there is…and that is very good news for a person like me. 

I’ve been thinking that I’m having a crisis of faith, but that wasn’t the right word for it because I never stopped believing.  I just…well it’s hard to put into words.  But let’s just say that I, like Sarah, have been having a hard time understanding how God could take an "old body" and let it "bear children".  I believe that he is able to do what he said…I just can’t see how…and I just can’t see when.  Those questions are as ridiculous as laughing in God’s face.  But the good news is that it doesn’t take me out of the game.     

Can I just say that I LOVE my friends?!  yall are such a blessing to me.  And I’m realizing more and more that I don’t just enjoy my friends, but I need them.  They keep me from losing my mind…most of the time anyway…it still gets away from me every now and again.

I used to think that I needed to be an independent woman…just like Kelly Clarkson.  I thought I needed to take care of my own crap and not rely on anyone else to help.  I think I was born with a good bit of that in me from the get go….just ask Darlene:)  I have been fighting for a while now to be completely independent from my parents…to no avail…cause guess what?  I still really need them too.  But I’m starting to learn that that’s ok.  It’s ok to rely on my parents…that’s what they’re there for.  And it’s ok to depend on my friends…I hope they can depend on me too.  Because the truth is we aren’t built to do this on our own.  That’s nothing new to most of you and I’ve heard it a million times myself…I guess this place in my life has just forced me to really hear it. 

So I’m going to continue to try to break outta this not so fun place that I’ve been in for what seems like forever.  Scratch that…Mike always said that trying is just a noisy way of not doing anything…I AM going to break outta this joint!  But I’m going to need some help.  Sorry if I lean too much sometimes…carry me just a little bit further.  I promise I’ll try to return the favor someday.        

I went in the kitchen at work this morning and saw a huge chick-fil-a bag sitting on the table.  YES!  Someone brought in biscuits!  I walk over to the bag and look in….nothing!  All I saw were some leftover packs of mayonnaise.  What a tease!

I went to lunch yesterday with Rebecca and David (fun times) and he gave me a book called Strength Finders 2.0.  Here we go…this is what I’ve been looking for!  Something to tell me…something.  So I took the test and here are my top 5 strengths:

1. Harmony
2. Connectedness
3. Intellection
4. Developer
5. Input

What a tease!  I guess I was expecting something more along the lines of "Morgan, you should do _____ with your life".  Not so much "Morgan, you really like to avoid conflict".  Awesome.  I guess there isn’t a secret that everyone else knows.  I guess I’m just going to have to figure this out for myself.  To tell you the truth, that really bums me out.

This has been a Debbie Downer kinda week.  Sorry…I hope I haven’t brought anyone else down with me:)  I know Christians are supposed to be joyful all the time, but I aint feelin’ it this week.  So should I be real about that and hope that authenticity counts for something or should I put on a happy face for everyone?  I guess that’s why I haven’t been writing on this as much as I usually do this week.  I want to be a good Christian and make God look like lots of fun, but I’m not that confident in my acting abilities.  I’m kinda hoping that God doesn’t need me to make Him look good….otherwise we’re both SOL!  (Funny story about abbreviated cuss words.  I came home from school one day and my mom asked me how my day was and I said JFL!  She didn’t take too kindly to that.  I probably should’ve let that Mikeism just go on by:)  Love you Daddy!) 

So in case you were wondering…I have mad skills in avoiding conflict, although, I think my parents would beg to differ with that.  And apparently I’m really good at helping others see purpose in everyday occurrences.  Man, I wish you could use these strengths on yourself!         

In case you didn’t know…which I’m sure you did….John Piper is my all time fav!  Love this article!  Good to know I’m not crazy to want a knight in shining armor to rescue me…from what I don’t know, but something:)  On my list of qualities I look for in a guy is the ability to rescue me…let me explain.  Let’s say our house catches on fire….I need to know that he will be able to carry my possibly ginormous butt that has birthed 4 of his children out of the house.  That’s why scrawny men need not apply.  That makes sense right?  I know beggars can’t be choosers but that’s one of my stipulations:)  So like I said before…who cares about woman’s rights!  I want a man to protect me!       

I’ve been helping Kelly out with a small group of college freshman for the past couple months.  Friday night we had them over to my house for a slumber party.  Fun times were had by all.  We decided to play catch phrase and the girls got an unexpected glimpse of my competitive side…our team won:)  At one point a girl on my team was explaining her word and she shouted "before CD’s!"…the room fell silent.  I looked at her and said "cassette tapes".  She responded with a very surprised "yes"!  When did I get old enough to be the only one in the room who knows what was before CD’s? 

I get startled SO easily.  who cares right?  well the reason this concerns me is because it hasn’t always been that way.  I never would have described myself as skittish, but now I think I am.  I can turn a corner walking down the hall at work and if someone is walking toward me I about jump out of my skin.  Mike always asks me if I have a guilty conscience, but after much thought I think I found the true source of my skittishness.  It’s Tanaya’s fault.  Well actually it’s payback for my constant torment of Tanaya when we were growing up.  My persecution of Tanaya would manifest itself in many ways, but one of my all time favorites was when I would scare her in the bathroom.  Let me explain.

The house that Tanaya grew-up in was like my second home.  She and her sister had the upstairs all to themselves.  It was their two bedrooms and then one long bathroom that connected them.  There was a door leading into the bathroom from each of their bedrooms and the toilet was closest to her sister’s bathroom door.  So whenever Tanaya would go use the bathroom (I’m sure she would love the fact that I’m telling this story) I would sneak around to the other side and throw open the door with a scream and scare the daylights out of her….I’m easily entertained…and a little mean:)  This NEVER got old to me!  I swear I would do it every time she went to the bathroom…but it always worked!  She always screamed at the top of her lungs when I did it….why fix it if aint broke?!  I think I even messed up the lock on the door cause she finally got a clue and started locking the door when she was in there, but I just busted right through.  That door was no match for me! 

Anyway, I say all that to say that I think the fact that a kitten could scare me now is payback for my meanness as a child.  Oh I could go on and on with stories about the crap I did to Tanaya (I had an older brother who picked on me and no one to take it out on, ok).  Lest you think I was a devil child let me bring to light the fact that Tanaya once ran me over with a go-cart.  I felt pretty justified in anything I did after that.

So watch yourself and don’t sneak up on me or I might go off by accident (mikeism).         

yeah that has nothing to do with this blog, but I heard Paul Revere on the way into work this morning so now it’s stuck in my head.

ok, Rebecca…I will participate in your tomfoolery….but I’m not tagging anyone else.  This madness has to end somewhere:)

8 random cooking things…

1. my fav kitchen utensil is the rubber spatula…don’t ask me why.  It just is.  I love ‘em!

2. kraftfoods.com is the greatest cooking website in the world…SO easy and yummy! 

3. the cooking channel is fun to watch and all, but I think most of that stuff is way too hard to make…hence #2.

4. Rachel Ray is overrated.  Sorry, but I think she is.  Don’t get me wrong I like her, but 30 minute meals is a crock…and most of the stuff in her cook book is not very practical in my opinion.  I don’t need to know how to make Veil Souffle in "30 minutes" that has a bunch of spices in it that I’ve never heard of.  ok, I’m done ranting about that.

5. my mom makes the best lasagna in the world…I don’t even bother ordering it out anywhere cause I know it won’t compare.  Actually she makes the best a lot of things…maybe that’s just cause I’m lazy and anything that is made for me taste better than something I have to make myself.

6. I’m in search of my signature item, but I think you might have to be old to have a sig item so I guess I have plenty of time to search:)

7. I actually enjoy cooking and baking way more than I ever thought I would.  Screw woman’s rights!  Let me stay home and cook for you!  Who needs to vote anyway:)  

8. I made sweet potato french fries the other night and that tater was hard as a rock!  It took everything I had to cut the sucker up.  They tasted good, but are they supposed to be that hard to cut?  dang!    

And speaking of cooking Rebecca and I are taking dinner to the Green fam tonight…I get to see Bella Reese!  yay!